Women are not like alcohol. There are many types of alcohol; but they all practically taste like fucking dogwater mixed with shit and you only drink them to drown out the depression for an hour or two. In the beginning you’ll drink all alcoholic beverages, but mostly you’ll drink beer mixed with vodka, because you’re 14 and 14 year old thinks that’s a good idea. As you grow older, you’ll realize you can’t handle acohol as much anymore, and make plans to watch football or whatever, but pass out after one beer at 20:13. After years of drinking you’ll find some non-alcoholic drink that you prefer over water, because fuck water – i’m made of 90% water, I DONT NEED MORE! As you mature you’ll appreciate the finer things in life, but it will be too late because your knees can no longer handle extreme sports and you dick cant do cocaine and hooker parties. You might enjoy a diet Coke with 2 drops of Jack from time to time, and it’ll be nice, but it’ll be nothing compared to chugging an entire Jack while you were 15, and still needing more to feel a buzz…. your life is over. You had to live to the max till 25, after that the body degrades. Have an eclaire, a cuba libre, maybe two, then shut the fuck up, because you’re old. Old people dont do shit, other than be old and get older some more. You’re old. FIN.